Software | Funny quotes
  • 19 Jan 2038 at 3:14:07 AM -- The end of the world according to Unix (232 seconds after Jan 1st 1970).
  • A C program is like a fast dance on a newly waxed dance floor by people carrying razors.
  • A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1...
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation...
  • A computer scientist is someone who, when told to 'Go to Hell', sees the 'go to', rather than the destination, as harmful.
  • A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
  • Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
  • BASIC programmers never die, they GOSUB and don't RETURN.
  • BREAKFAST.COM halted...Cereal port not responding
  • Back when I was a boy, we carved our own IC's out of wood.
  • Being married to a programmer is like having a cat. You talk to it but you're never really sure if it hears you, much less comprehends what you say.
  • Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
  • Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
  • Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
  • Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
  • Drag me, drop me, treat me like an object!
  • ERROR: Computer possessed; Load EXOR.SYS ? [Y/N]
  • Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
  • Error: Sector not found -- search behind couch? (Y/N)
  • Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.
  • File not found. Should I fake it ? (Y/N)
  • Finish the project. We'll buy you a new family.
  • God is real... unless declared an integer.
  • Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
  • Hit any user to continue.
  • If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
  • If you torture the data enough, it will confess.
  • In C++ it's harder to shoot yourself in the foot, but when you do, you blow off your whole leg.
  • Marketer to coder: You start coding. I'll go find out what they want.
  • Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
  • Programming is like sex: one mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime.
  • RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
  • Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
  • Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after reaching puberty.
  • Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape.
  • System Error: press F13 to continue...
  • The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
  • The name is Baud...... James Baud.
  • There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
  • They don't make bugs like Bunny anymore.
  • Three days of testing can save 10 minutes reading manuals.
  • To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it's downright natural.
  • To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password.
  • To know recursion, you must first know recursion.